2021 was a difficult year. There’s no doubt about that. 2020 was incredibly hard, I think because of all the things that were happening in the world and the country. However, for me, 2021 was difficult because of everything happening within me and in my own life, and in my own family.
I found myself tossed in a sea of emotional and mental battles—everything from depression to anger, anxiety, and temptation. I lost a few people in my family and had some difficult moments of grief.
So, I found myself lost, drifted. Away from the shore, out in the middle of nowhere, with big heavy thoughts, big heavy feelings, feeling utterly alone. And sometimes, I felt like I was too far. Hopelessness would rise within me. How could I return after drifting away? How could I come back, after wondering so far?
Yet, in my battle with shame, pity, and guilt, at this point. Something happened. Grace found me.
Yes, right there in my despair, grace found me.
But first, what is this concept of grace anyway? Romans 3:24-26 sets up a good picture of why we need grace and how it’s available to us.
We were in sin and drifting far from God. So he presented his son, Jesus, as “the sacrifice for sin.” When Jesus died on the cross, he paid for our sins, and when we believe in Him, we are made right with God. And we receive grace. And grace (according to the Oxford Dictionary) is the free and unmerited favor of God. It is a gift given to us unconditionally. A gift that includes forgiveness, mercy, the kindness of God, and love.
So, when we fall, and we all fall, there is grace right there to catch us.
But if we’re being honest, it doesn’t always feel like this.
Going back to my story, I didn’t feel caught or held by love, mercy, and kindness. It felt like I had fallen from thirty feet and hit concrete. The weight of all the not-so-good things that I did were heavy on my heart and my mind.
And one night, it was so heavy, I just sat on my bed in mental and emotional pain. Condemnation crashed over me in big huge waves. I felt like I couldn’t move.
And at that moment, I felt something in my heart, telling me that I have a choice. I could let myself suffer and get crushed under the weight of sin, or I could let grace in. Yes, in my heaviest of moments, grace was there. And, yes, I let in.
Grace picked me up, dusted me off. Yes, I had sinned, but that sin was already paid for. So, why was I behaving as if I still owed?
Reader, Jesus didn’t die for nothing. Jesus didn’t die for everyone else except you. He died for all of us. We are not out of reach, we are not outside the grace of God. Ephesians 2:8-10 explains to us that we are saved by grace, we are given salvation, not as a reward, but as a gift.
There is no condemnation for us because we belong to Jesus, and He has scattered our sins as far as the east is from the west. So we do not have to think, live, and mourn as if we have no salvation, as if there is no grace. There is grace! An abundance of it!
You might be where I was, sinking in a sea of shame, guilt, and pity. You do not have to stay there. Let grace find you. Let it bring you back to the shore.
Let grace meet you wherever you are if you’re lost. If you’re hiding. If you’re hurting. If you’re broken. There is grace for you. Grace is looking for you; in fact, it is at your door. Invite it in.
